Putt Putt Politics
Golf season is here, but the political season is already in full swing. Why not marry the two? I’ve never seen a miniature golf course in Washington D.C., so here’s a few ideas for the enterprising type looking to build a putt-putt course near the base of Washington’s Monument.
Identify your political persuasion with the right ball. Choose from blue, red, green, or rainbow. If you don’t know where you stand try the gray John Kerry special. Now step up and place your ball on one of three circles–left, right, or center.
Hole #1, Anchors Away: Only one of those three openings leads to the cup. Shoot for Anderson Cooper or Bill O’Reilly. There’s also a Keith Olbermann slot but it’s hard to make out so most people ignore it. Beware all those 360 spinners ready to launch you off course. Aim for the no spin zone and your early rating will be great.
Hole #2, Impeached: There’s a lot of twists and turns here. Hillary Clinton is rotating back and forth, blocking Bill’s path to Monica as she does. You’ll need to sneak a shot past the blue dress when Hillary isn’t looking. Watch out for the Linda Tripp-You-Up speed bump in front of the hole.
Hole #3, Speaker Creeper: Remember the creepy clown that laughed at you? Now it’s Nancy Pelosi, staring deep into your soul with those hollow, button eyes. Don’t stare directly at her. Take your shot just as a ceramic Ann Coulter rises to breathe fire on the House Speaker.
Hole #4, V.P. Teepee: Call the cavalry cause Joe Biden has gone off the reservation. There’s Al Gore and Dick Cheney peeking out of a teepee to look for him. Cheney’s got a gun. Gore doesn’t want to waste any energy. Keep your shot low, through the Joe Biden Gaffe-O-Matic.
Hole #5, Bubble Trouble: This hole’s got more bells and whistles than a Dan Rather analogy. Jim Cramer is all over the place, riding a bear and blocking the way. Aim for the Daily Show logo to summon Jon Stewart for a CNBC beat down. Cramer will never stand a chance against someone who never has to be right about anything.
Hole #6, Give Peace Romance: This one’s shaped like Ireland. Fall of the edge and it’s a water hazard. In the center of it all is Angelina Jolie, signing the adoption papers for her newest son Bono. Brad better watch his back or there will be a wedding at the United Nations with U2 serving as best men.
Hole #7, At The Top: You’ll need to get into one to send it way up that ramp and over the head of Rush Limbaugh. He’s way up there though.
Hole #8, Back At The Ranch: This George W. Bush hole has really taken a beating. Work your way through the debris and sink your shot in the cup. A switch at the bottom explodes the Bin Laden dummy in your way.
Hole #9, Now You See It, Now…: The final hole. There’s Obama and Tim Geithner at the end, welcoming you to a free shot. Instead of winning a free game, you can win free money! It’s never actually worked yet though. Good luck with that shot but you’ll never see anything you throw up there again.
No comments yet.
Leave a comment
Welcome To Here
In The Matrix, Morpheus tells Neo he can take the blue pill and go on believing whatever he wants to believe. Or he can take the red pill to stay in Wonderland and find out how deep the rabbit hole goes.
This is a red pill type site with a weekly column (and some extras in between) that provides information in an entertaining way. It’s about clear thinking and good writing. It’s about truth.
I’m a writer/speaker who teaches history and political science at a local college by day. Where is local, you say? Well, that would be Wonderland of course.
From pop culture to pop politics, this is my column.
- __________________
-
EduClaytion RSS
