Some movies have plot holes big enough for large blue people to fly through on mountain banshees. Sometimes we just don’t care. Other movies are developed from tightly woven story lines that made perfect sense. Until cell phones and the internet came along. I often wonder what would happen to certain films if they suddenly had to account for current technology like phones with texting and video recording or computers with social networking and mind-blowing apps.
For example, the first movie I always think of is It’s a Wonderful Life, probably because it’s one of the best movies of all time. You know Bert the cop, Ernie the cabbie, and the rest of the town wouldn’t have had such a hard time finding George if Mary could’ve just texted him. Instead of preparing to jump off the bridge, George could’ve just checked his messages. “Entire town pitching in to bail you out. Come home. Pick up some milk.” Of course, then it would’ve taken Clarence even longer to get those wings.
How about The Goonies? That flick would’ve been dead in the water beneath One-Eyed Willie‘s pirate ship if just one of those teens would’ve had a cell phone to call for help from the Fratelli’s hideout. Ah, the days when kids had no more technology than whatever Data could whip up (slick shoes baby). Does anybody even ride bikes anymore? Alas, we may never have met Sloth who, by the way, would’ve become a total internet sensation.
I also have a hard time imagining The Breakfast Club of today. Instead of a day filled with interpersonal communication and discovery about the similarities we all share, they would’ve just watched YouTube videos on their Droids and played Farmville.
Some Facebook peeps helped me out with this topic. Shirley C. came up with a great one just in time for Halloween with this offering:
“How far would Michael Myers have gotten with Twitter, text, and camera phones? ‘Hey psycho killer in the bushes. Here is his picture….Stay home.’”
"Have you seen my iPad?"
So true! October mass murderers like Myers and Jason Voorhees would never find so many stupid victims wandering around in the woods at night anymore. Who’s gonna bother checking out the spooky sound in the creepy alley when Jersey Shore is on. No one would even hear the spooky sound anymore since we’re all wearing earbuds. Besides, sociopaths are finding much better ways to spend their time these days, like becoming politicians.
Lin S. pointed out how much easier Dorothy and the gang would’ve had it on the road to Oz with an iPhone. The GPS sure would’ve been handy when they lost their way. Lin also pointed out the wisdom of Googling “how to kill a witch.” Oh. Water. Of course. Know who else could’ve used GPS? Clark Griswold on his family’s fateful vacation to Wally World.
Gremlins sure would’ve been different with Twitter. @BillyPeltzer Got a little monster for Xmas. Don’t get it wet or feed it after midnight. And remember those police that wouldn’t listen to him? Billy could have just used his phone to shoot a video of Gizmo and Spike for proof. Actually, camera phones ruin almost every “You gotta believe me!” plot. All those desparate protagonists could’ve just texted footage.
So many movies to consider. What would Superman and Bill and Ted do without phone booths? Think about Honey, I Shrunk The Kids. Might they have gotten reception on their miniaturized cell phones? What does this all mean for Home Alone? If Macaulay Culkin could take out a pair of convicts I’m pretty sure he could’ve just checked some email and gone to the neighbors until his parents got back. I’m also certain that technology would somehow mess up Weekend At Bernie’s but for the life of me I can’t remember why they chose to party with a corpse for the weekend instead of just going to the police. Oh yeah, almost forgot. It was the 80s and they were ingesting the dead guy’s cocaine.
The 80s: Screenwriters were on drugs too
Many people consider Casablanca the greatest film ever. I’m pretty sure Ilsa wouldn’t have stumbled into Rick’s Cafe unknowingly had she been on Facebook or seen Bogey’s online ads for ten cent wing night and $1.50 gins.
Imagine Sleepless in Seattle with the internet. Oh yeah, it was called You’ve Got Mail.
I might be obsessing here, but these are kind of hard to stop once you get going. Speaking of which, I bet Hannibal Lecter would’ve been a blogger.
Can you think of anymore movies that would’ve been changed by technology?
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You know where the comments go. Follow me on Twitter @ClayMorganPA.
LMAO with this one. I can’t think of a specific movie because I’ve become one of “them.” Whenever I see a classic horror flick, some part of my brain immediately thinks, “Use your cell phone, dummy — oh, right, you don’t have one.” I suck.
The classics were through my brain again and again. I had so many ideas about Dracula and Frankenstein, especially how the villagers could’ve used Facebook to form a more efficient mob.
technology would have ruined everything. Pet Cemetery “Hey Judd what is past the tree fall? Well now if you pull up Google Earth you can see its and old Micmac burial ground”
Annie
Miss Hannigan:What are you just standing around here for? You’re supposed to clean the bathroom and the kitchen before lunch, my little pig droppings, and if you skip the corners, there will be no lunch. And we’re not having hot mush today…
Orphans: Yay!
Miss Hannigan: We’re having *cold* mush!
Orphans:can’t we just nuke it for a few seconds?
Great ones! Oh man I didn’t even get near what microwaves and television and so many other innovations would do. Pet Cemetery is great too. Got any more?
Hahaha, this is fantastic! I’ll have to have a look through my DVD collection and see if I can come up with any that would be so enjoyably affected.
Yet another awesome post!
I really appreciate that and would love to hear what you can come up with. I was trying to think of something for Karate Kid but nothing struck me except you know the video of Danny getting beatdown by the Cobra Kai dressed as skeletons would’ve been all over the school.
A Christmas Story: mom and dad could look on eBay for the Red Rider since dad loves packages. And Randy would have text or youtubed Ralphie into bullied embarrasent in that pink bunny suit. Schwartz would have easily retaliated for the beating he got when Ralphie falsly accused him of swearing by starting vicious cyberbullying.
Now this is what I’m talking about! I knew some stuff could be done with A Christmas Story but also knew I wasn’t the right guy to do it. I love that eBay would have the stupid gone. No Ovaltine needed. End of movie. So true about the cypberbullying too.
Dare I even touch TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD? It’s a classic. But there are so many parts that are ripe. Boo wouldn’t have likely ever ventured out of the basement if he had Facebook or MySpace. Something tells me he would have liked SIMS and the Wii: the illusion of people.
And Jem could have humiliated Scout forever. I mean, for the love of Pete, she was dressed as a ham!
Someone would have caught Miss Mayella on an iPhone making advances at Tom, thus his life would have been saved. And town drunk, Bob Ewell (Mayella’s father) would have been caught trying to attack Jem.
But dammit, then he couldn’t have “fallen on his own knife.” (He was a bastard.)
Jem and Scout wouldn’t have had regrets about not being able to repay Boo for all his kindnesses: they could have just gone shopping for him via Internet and got him a cool new knife for whittling.
I have to tell you LORD OF THE FLIES is the stumper for me. I mean, no access to WiFi or 3G. That might have gone the same way. No snackies, no technology, no game systems. Those kids would definitely have killed each other; it just would have happened much faster.
Really fun post.
Okay, you’re really smart. Yes, Jem would’ve humiliated Scout but she would’ve just fought some more. Poor Tom. If only they had iPhones.
Lord of the Flies is funny too, and you’re right about not much changing. I thought of some other movies along the way that didn’t work out. I just can’t remember what they were now. Thanks for playing.
So true, so true. Technology can take so much form a good story! But look at Terminator; technology makes that an epic story.
Agreed, agreed and you just gave me a great idea about John Connor ‘s Facebook page. Thanks for stopping by!
clay gets the credit for turning all my old favorite movies into laugh riots.
The “you gotta believe me” plots will still work, as these smart phones can nearly do Photoshop stuff on them.