Some of you missed the Super Bowl. Maybe you hate football. Maybe you couldn’t watch the game even though every other American adult did. Perhaps you just live in a whole other country and think football has something to do with soccer.
But now everyone’s talking about the big game, and you don’t know how to fit in. Social status is at stake. What if the boss or that hottie in accounting thinks less of you now? The water cooler just became a nightmare.
Fear not. I’m here to offer you some great ways to get in the conversation even if you have no idea what the people who actually watched the game are talking about.
Important Fact: The game took place in North Texas.
Things To Say At The Water Cooler:
A) Historical setting
Say this: “Can you believe how many people were at that Super Bowl? That was the highest attendance ever! Imagine, over 100,000 fans.”
[Bonus Tip: try name dropping here, preferably how you knew someone whose aunt went to the game.]
Sure fire way to blow your cover: Add that all those people at the game are stupid to want to watch a bunch of men in tights kick a ball around for 3 periods.
B) Vague analysis
This part’s actually simple. Just use phrases from the MadLib school of TV journalism. Meatheads have gotten rich off these phrases for years.
Say something like “I don’t know what was thinking when he tried to keep running the ball against .”
Other safe phrases include “Big Ben is nearly impossible to take down” and “Brett Favre may be the antichrist.”
C) Halftime show
Say this: “Did you see that halftime show? Can you believe Will.i.am’s outfit?”
[Bonus Tip: You can make up a few things here because most real football fans don't care about the halftime show and skip it. Beware the Fergie factor however. Some of those fans might get interested just this one time because, well, Fergie was on stage.]
Sure fire way to blow your cover: Discuss how cute Puppy Bowl VII was on Animal Planet while the Peas were goin’ Boom Boom Pow.
D) Commercials
You probably don’t need any help hear because if you hate football then you’re the person who only gets interested when the ads come on. You can probably breakdown the intricacies of Budweiser commercials even though you missed the greatest play in the history of American sport. Yes, those TV spots cost $100K per second.
[Bonus Tip: Be yourself]
There you go football un-fans. I would hate to see you suffer socially when the event is so easy to recount.
And yes, as many of you know I am a lifelong Steelers fan. I never wavered even when the Steelers fell behind 21-3 and believed all the way to the end. The boys almost pulled it off, but they had a great season and no one thought they would get anywhere near the Super Bowl. I guess we’ll just have to take solace in the fact that we already have six other Lombardi trophies.
So use this handy guide for sounding like you know what everybody is talking about. That promotion from the boss is as good as yours, and the hottie from accounting will be calling any minute now. I’ve gotta run though because I’m taking Fergie to the Puppy Bowl after party.
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Do you have any other tips for talking about the big game?
Spectacular. And yes, I was there to the end, even though I feel like death warmed over. Good game, and the boys in black & gold almost pulled it off.
So close yet… Pittsburgh sure is gloomy today with rain putting a damper on the city’s already dampened feelings.
How about “And did you see how much snow they had in Dallas? That must have been a fun time even getting to the game!” And the beauty is that this comment could segue nicely into a comment on “all this crazy winter weather” and lead the conversation away from the football danger zone.
I stayed until the bitter end as well, and unfortunately had to witness the celebration of the misguided Green Bay fans in the same room. At least it was a good game.
Good point about the snow. Earlier in the week some people were even injured when ice fell from the roof of the Cowboy’s stadium! I at least didn’t have to be around celebrating Packer fans although that franchise is respectable.
I just learned that Christina A. botched the National Anthem. (She forgot the ramparts!) Anyway, where did I learn this information? Yahoo. Same place I learned that neither of these teams would have cheerleaders.
Game? What game? Just sayin’.
Yeah, I caught that anthem screwup but the announcers didn’t mention it which they shouldn’t. She’s getting lambasted today though! And you’re right, Pittsburgh doesn’t mess around with cheerleading squads. Something just not right for Steelers football!
Lol. What a useful post! If I ever watch the Superbowl, it’s on mute, and I only unmute for the commercials. I’ll be sure to forward this to my computer geek hubby. He’s going to need it.
Glad I could help. The funny thing is that I wrote this post before the game even happened just to prove that you really don’t need to watch the game!
I watched the game and I have no idea what happened. That’s what happens when you have three kids under the age of five, one dog, and five other adults hanging around while you’re trying to watch the game/ads/halftime show. I watched the national anthem and didn’t even notice the screw up. I had to learn on Twitter that there was an awesome ad about Detroit with Ememen. So, when all else fails, claim that you were hosting a SuperBowl party and thus were too occupied with your guests to really watch the game.
Now there’s a great idea. Hosting the big bash made it impossible to pay attention. I like it!
I’m married to a Brit – a huge Rugby fan – and each year the Six Nations Rugby tournament kicks off on (coincidentally, I’m sure) Super Bowl weekend. So on Saturday evening, after having enjoyed two outstanding rugby matches, I say to the husband, “do you know what tomorrow is?” I’m thinking surely he must have picked up that my hometown team (Go Steelers!) was in the Super Bowl. He gets this big evil grin and says, “Puppy Bowl?!”
Consider his cover blown.
Cover blown indeed! Does this mean he’s in the dog house? Pun intended
Ba-dump-cha. Thank you folks, he’ll be here all week. Make sure to tip your wait staff.
I didn’t watch the game, Clay…I have something for you over at my blog:
http://writerwoman61.wordpress.com/2011/02/07/its-not-my-style/
Enjoy!
Wendy
Wow, I never win anything! I am honored to accept this award and will be sure to make you proud. Or embarass you. Could go either way!
I love this post. My kids are all football freaks, and I’ve learned how to make it sound like I actually know what’s going on (and care) when what I’ve really been doing is watching soap opera reruns.
A seasoned veteran of not paying attention eh? I bet you have loads of secrets on how to work those conversations. But soap opera reruns? I don’t think I could survive those!
Way up here in Canada, we don’t get many of the commercials because our networks can’t afford the rates. So we get lousy ads for banks that repeat every time out. You know what I mean, eh?
Yes, for a country that is otherwise so awesome, Canada really has lousy SuperBowl commercials. Looking on the bright side, at least we can answer nature’s call and know we’re not going to miss much while we’re gone.
It’s not that we can’t afford them, Ironic Mom…the CRTC forces the broadcast distributors (i.e. cable and satellite companies) to use “simultaneous substitution” to replace U.S. commercials with Canadian ones when both are airing the same show. This is so that Canadian networks get all the advertising money.
Wendy
After a long day at work, reading this thread, I feel so connected to Canada right now. I’m like an honorary Canadian for the night, only my commercials aren’t stupid.
Basically the only news we got here was that Christina Aguilera messed up the National Anthem.
So thanks for this post Clay, I now feel safer engaging in conversation with those who have cable and watched the game!
You know it! I wondered what Australia thinks of the Super Bowl. I imagine the game is a mild sidenote of interest just based on the spectacle the event creates. But glad to hear that the botching of our National Anthem has reached every continent. Christina must be so proud.
I actually watch the game every year because I enjoy the company and the food at the parties, but I can’t understand a single play. So could’ve used this long ago!! Great post.
See how helpful I can be. The Super Bowl must be your one sportsy thing to do.
This is fantastic. I watched the game though. Well, I was in the room and the game was on – most of the time. But wasn’t that little boy in the Darth Vader suit adorable?
Amy
I just watched your vids and those girls are so cute. Thanks for the shoutout too!
Hey, I know you! Visiting this time by way of Wendy/Herding Cats in Hammond River and her Stylish Blogger Award.
Thanks so much for making post-Super Bowl conversation so much less painful for me. I do hate football, but my husband’s friend couldn’t watch the big game with him and I felt compelled to sit with him while he over-reacted to various plays. I didn’t pay much attention as I had my laptop at hand and bloggers at my fingertips. I even missed some of the commercials! I wish I’d missed the halftime show all together!
Be back soon!
Yes, I’ve captured the Stylish Blogger Award. Should be a whimsical ride through the life of eduClaytion. Now who to pick on?
So glad you found your way here again. Take care.
Ha! I started to write something really similar but gave up because it was late and I was tired. The gist of it was that the halftime show was pretty weak, the only good commercial was the commercial with the little Darth Vader, the Groupon ad was really, really bad (even though it was directed by comedy genius Christopher Guest) and how do you know that was Slash out there, really? It coulda been anybody.
My wife and kids were divided. My 11-year-old was rooting for Pittsburg, my wife was for Green Bay and the 5-year-old didn’t care who won as long as we let him have a piece of the chocolate chip cookie cake shaped like a football helmet.
I never thought about that with Slash, but you have a point there. Most Super Bowls I am with the 5 year old and just looking for some good food. This year, however, I had a rooting interest and lost. Oh well, on to the next.
If the person is overweight (like me) talk about the food you ate while to watched the game.
Interesting you bring up food. Normally I would have a lot to tell, but when the Steelers are playing I tend to not eat. I’m way to into the game I guess.
Well hello fellow Stylish Blogger Award winner.I’ve already sent mine on to other deserving bloggers so I figured now was the time to visit the others and surprise! a Steeler fan. Well I’m a Packer fan, watched the whole game with a houseful of friends and we are glad to have the Lombardi Trophy home where it belongs. That said, I really like your blog and I’m adding it to our roll. Btw, where did the Peas music go?
Jeanne
Thanks for stopping over. I am prepping my SBA post right now. Ouch on the whole Packer fan thing eh? Of course, I can live since you’re so kind.
We had the game on, and there were many, many tears coming from my 8 year old sports fanatic son. Not because he’s a Steeler’s fan, but because he is NOT a Packers fan. So, so proud.
(Dying over the “Brett Favre antichrist” comment!)
Thanks AH. Cause, you know, I would never want to offend you in any way
I didn’t watch the Super Bowl ( being a Brit ), but every so on during the Rugby the commentators would mention that if we were still hungry for sport there would be rugby with shoulder pads on later that evening
Yeah, rugby players definitely have a lock on toughness. Thanks for your comment!
I watched the entire thing. It was actually a pretty good game. And i thought the Steelers were gonna pull it out in the end after they came out with guns blazing in the second half. Oh, well. The nice thing about being a sports fan from Houston is that you never have to worry about your team losing in the Super Bowl. Because they never get there.
Yeah, the Texans do make like after Christmas easier. I really thought the game would go the way it did and Ben would lead the Steelers to a win at the end. Everything worked out until those last 2 minutes. Oh well!
Great idea, Clay. I like the vague analysis bit. I’m not sure how many times I heard “Big Ben is almost impossible to bring down” the two weeks leading up to the game, but I’m guessing somewhere around a billion. It’s sort of like saying, “I think the team that scores more points will win.”
Yup. Every interview includes the “what makes Big Ben so good?” followed by the “He’s just so tough to bring down” answer.
I like the madlibs approach to analyzing the game. I think that is actually what goes on during the game too.
That’s grad school level for broadcasters.