My sister who lives in Florida is about to have a baby any day now. I say any day because she’s been ready like that for the past 9 months. She’s definitely not catching Angelina Jolie anytime soon. Or ever.
Since I’m about to become UncleClaytion again, I thought I would take time to comment on a topic that women go crazy over every year: What to name people who don’t exist yet.
The new list of most popular baby names came out recently and it appears as though people are taking their cues from pop culture. For example, the Kardashians and Twilight are influencing many young parents searching for just the right name to identify their flesh and blood for all time.
As a result, we have a lot of Isabellas and Jacobs running around. The rest of us will just have to hold our collective breath in crushing anticipation of what the next pregnant Kardashian names her child. Sigh. Even writing that sentence satirically makes me want to punch myself in the face to numb the pain of reality.
Well, I thought I would hop into the debate since pop culture happens to be my area of expertise. I want your baby to have a name that will stand out and exude important characteristics like power and success or at the very least sound cool.
I want young parents and animal owners everywhere to stay ahead of the trends, so here is the 2012 baby naming guide, pop culture edition.
1. Katniss–The Hunger Games movie will change everything when it comes out in March 2012. Top name of the bunch? Katniss. But by 2013 you’ll also start seeing some babies named Primrose, Thresh, Rue, and maybe even Peeta.
2. Adele–She’s a singing sensation and ready to win a bunch of Grammy Awards. I would watch the show and all, but I’m sure I’ll be washing my dog’s hair or something. Musical runner up for boy name could be Bruno, as in Bruno Mars, as in I hope I don’t ever hear “The Lazy Song” ever again.
3. Muppet names–I’m thinking it’s about time for some new baby Muppets and wouldn’t be surprised if someone dropped a Kermit or even Beaker on their little Animal.
4. Thor–You know it’s going to happen.
5. Of course I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention what a lovely name either Kate or Emily is. What do you mean I’m just saying those two because of some personal and selfish reason? Psshhaw. Emily was also my grandmas name, so that’s a nice bonus.
6. Selene–The new Underworld movie comes out in a couple weeks, and I’ve been waiting for, oh, years. Yes, it’s a Kate thing. But Selene really works for me IYKWIM.
7. Lorax–Dr. Suess is coming back to the screen in 2012, so maybe Lorax will catch on. Could work for either a boy or girl that you don’t really love.
8. Gatsby–Did you know that a new version of The Great Gatsby is hitting theaters for Christmas 2012? Leo DiCaprio is playing the iconic Jay Gatsby, so either half of his name works. I like that actually. Also look out for Daisy.
9. Abraham–It’s not coming out until summer 2012, but Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter excites me. Fantastic book. Maybe we’ll get a new wave of little Abe’s running around the countryside with throwing axes.
10. Alice–There’s another Resident Evil movie coming out next year. If that doesn’t make sense to you just check out Box Office Mojo and look at how many hundreds of millions the last one made. Alice continues to rise in popularity and is the name of the title character here. Also look out for Milla as in Jovovich.
The wildcard in all this is the guaranteed blockbuster The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (December 2012). By the time we get to 2013 it’ll be all Bilbo and Frodo and probably even Tolkien. That last one makes a great name for a pet.
So there you go sis and anyone else who relies on me for that perfect pitch of cultural relevance**. Or something.
*God help us.
**God help you.
What other baby names can we get from pop culture?