Hi everyone! *dusts cobwebs off website* I haven’t been around much lately but thanks to those of you who have sent me happy wishes to return soon. Jessica Buttram and I were talking about my necessary blogging hiatus when I hinted about how nice it would be to have a guest post from her brilliant little mind while I’m otherwise detained. She asked what she should write about. I told her that I love reading her stuff so much that she could write about her grocery list and I would be entertained. So that’s what she did! Sort of.

Jess is here today to break down the world of food shopping along tribal lines. She’s also from the South which is where I’m heading this afternoon as I fly to Florida in just a few hours to meet my newest nephew! Enjoy this guest offering from J Butt, America’s sweetheart and my hero. We may disagree on the legend of Walmart, but I would follow her to the murky depths of a clearance bin. Take it away Jess.

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I spend a lot of time in grocery stores. I cater to two hungry man-childs, plus a very picky Bean who sprouts more each day. And thanks to my extensive Cheese Puff binge academic research, I have noticed a subtle but present hierarchy to these stores. And imma ’bout to fill you in.
At the very bottom of this hierarchy is the Untouchables. This is OBVIOUSLY Walmart. Common knowledge, right? I mean, show me a person who ENJOYS going to Walmart, and I’ll show you a person two steps and a Yorkie away from being on Animal Hoarders [Ed. note: I go to Walmart AND own a Yorkie AND can take a hint ].

Walmart is the festering sore in American capitalism. It’s Mad Cow Disease, which is a fitting metaphor, because every time I step foot in that place, my eyes roll back into my head, my lip curls into a sneer on its own volition, and I tend to push my cart up and down aisles rather violently. Also? I am perfectly okay with leaving said cart of destruction in the middle of the parking lot. I don’t return it to the corral, you guys, and I’M OKAY WITH THAT. It’s like I don’t even recognize myself. Continue Reading…