Nasty (Bacon) Bits & Pieces
Venezuelan dictator Hugo Chavez told his people last week they better lose some weight if their glorious revolution is to be successful. ”There are lots of fat people,” said the not-so-svelte tyrant. He explained the solution during a televised speech. “Doing sit-
ups. Eating well. One has to learn how to eat.”
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| Will Michael Moore heed the diet call of his buddy Chavez? |
So what does a good revolutionary eat? Soy milk and rice pasta for starters. Such healthy dishes make Chavez feel “ready to continue commanding the Bolívarian revolution”. Unfortunately, most Venezuelans prefer coke, beer, and fried pork.
I’m sure the fact that Chavez is calling his people fat has nothing to do with their love for American-style food products. I’m further confident this speech has nothing to do with coming restrictions on the lives of Venezuelans. Riiiigggghhhht.
In other news this past week, pigs may not be as stupid as we thought. Actually, let’s face it, no one cares about how smart pigs might be except for misguided researchers intent on wasting millions of dollars so we can figure out how smart our food might be before it walks to slaughter. A study on pig cognition has shown that pigs must be quick learners. Wanna know what it is to lead an empty life? Become a scientific researcher that doesn’t benefit society no matter how “successful” they ever become. I wonder if this is a government-funded (our tax money) project.
Speaking of fat pigs, Rosie O’Donnell was back in the news last week. I guess 
pigs aren’t that smart after all. She managed to chortle out a couple swears before dropping an F bomb on Fallon’s audience. By the way, Fallon loses a ton of cred in my book for appearing to be so happy about her. I thought we knew you better Jimmy.
Rosie’s lone positive contribution to society is that she didn’t ruin A League Of Their Own. I still can’t believe she played Betty Rubble, beloved cartoon of my youth. She makes Miss Piggy look like Marilyn Monroe. I never thought twice about Miss Nasty until I happened to catch her ambushing Tom Selleck on her doomed show back in 1999. She’s been an abject failure ever since.
Maybe they can send some of these fools to the moon. According to NASA, there’s plenty of water there for them to drink. You may remember back on October 9th when some hopeful observers stood on their front porch or lawn to see the Lcross Centuar make impact with the moon. Apparently you can’t see a car crash 250,000 miles away. Shocker. Read more »
April 2009 Leftovers
Here’s some of the stories EduClaytion considered in April. Be sure to use the
Contact page if you hear of any other great stories.
- Rocket Fuel Chemical Found In Baby Formula
- Tall Corpse’s Legs Cut Off To Fit Casket
- Obama Breaks First Pitch Tradition
- Evgeni Malkin Is All Hart
Heard any crazy news stories? Let us know. You can also Subscribe to my feed or you can click here to receive posts via email.
Beauties, Beasts, and Tramp Stamps
Crazy week for EduClaytion as the semester winds down, research papers are flying in, finals are on the way, and my dog pulled a Tom Brady by tearing his CCL (the canine equivalent of an ACL/knee ligament). So here’s your 60 second recap of the week’s 
keen stories.
Barbie turned 50 and is getting tatoos. Hard to believe that Ken’s girl signed up for a tramp stamp.
Speaking of beauty queens, Miss California Carrie Prejean went up against internet celeb Perez Hilton during the Miss America pageant. Prejean says she lost the crown because she had the nerve to hold a personal belief on gay marriage. Hilton aired a scathing video reply. Miss California won’t be wearing a shiny tiara but loves the massive exposure the controversy is giving her. Saturday Night Live should be interesting.
Did you catch President Obama’s, ahem, press conference the other night? I haven’t seen coverage that weak since the San Francisco 49ers slaughtered the San Diego Chargers in Super Bowl XXIX. As Dennis Miller said, it’s a scary world when Miss California gets tougher questions that the president.
Speaking of beautiful people, how many of them work for Barrack Obama? According to People magazine, at least one. Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner was picked for one of the magazine’s most beautiful humans in th
e world. That’s not a mistake. The tax-evading former member of the Federal Reserve that helped create this whole economic mess in the first place also happens to have a brother who works for the magazine, but I ain’t one to gossip so you didn’t hear it from me. I think I speak for a lot of people when I say that I want on next year’s list.
Geithner continues to work through a tough economy. Many corporations continue to change their ways. Even American Idol eliminated their powerful Idol Give Back this season. The producers felt that now is not the best time to ask people for money. Read more »
Hear The One About The Gay Polish Elephant?
The Poznan Zoo in Poland is being criticized for acqui
ring a boy elephant that appears to like other boy elephants. In case you failed health class, that means he won’t be advancing the herd anytime soon. Oops.
Zoo officials first became skeptical when the elephant, Ninio, began dancing to Village People music playing over the zoo’s loudspeakers.
Polish politicians have long debated gay rights issues, but no one expected politics to play a part in the life of a sexually finicky elephant. Read more »
What We Lost For Easter
Most people in most cities are finishing up a normal week. They’ll soon knock off for the holiday weekend, Good Friday through East
er. Many folks will be blitzed by incoming relatives or maybe just blitzed for happy hour. Those people in those cities aren’t thinking like Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania or Oakland, California or even New York.
Those three cities shared traumatic experiences over the past week as violent murderers decided that some police officers or regular citizens or even immigrants should die. The victims had no chance because that’s how cowards kill. They hide their pathetic fear behind body armor and rambling notes before dealing deadly sucker punches against people who do something with their lives–public guardians, hard workers, husbands, and wives, and parents.
The shootings in Oakland that took the lives of three police officers a couple weeks back constituted the deadliest day for American law enforcement since September 11, 2001, the ultimate act of cowardly failures whose entire existence was based on hate.
If you are out there today feeling disraught or so far gone that you would take lives, I would like to tell you that there is hope. I would like to tell you that maybe Easter weekend is the perfect time to find the answers and to make peace with your maker. But mostly, if you want to commit such violence and treachery, I want to tell you to just keep your cowardice to yourself. Just lock your door and kill yourself in private so no one else has to suffer.
I do not want people to hurt themselves or feel so alone that they have no options. Most people suffering through depression can be helped if we would just see or hear them. But I see innocent humans dying at the hands of these monsters who should have just put a gun in their mouth weeks ago and eaten a bullet. Read more »
March 2009 Leftovers…
Here’s some headlines educlaytion considered this month. Enjoy.
- The Sham Wow guy busted for violent encounter with hooker
- Evgeni Malkin and the Pittsburgh Penguins are getting scary
- Sylvia Plath: Good Writer, Bad Mother
- Judge ruled middle finger falls under freedom of expression
- Legal history of giving the finger
- Teenager draws penis on parent’s roof to lure Google Earth
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Welcome To Here
In The Matrix, Morpheus tells Neo he can take the blue pill and go on believing whatever he wants to believe. Or he can take the red pill to stay in Wonderland and find out how deep the rabbit hole goes.
This is a red pill type site with a weekly column (and some extras in between) that provides information in an entertaining way. It’s about clear thinking and good writing. It’s about truth.
I’m a writer/speaker who teaches history and political science at a local college by day. Where is local, you say? Well, that would be Wonderland of course.
From pop culture to pop politics, this is my column.
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